• What to do if your child IS the BULLY
     

    If you learn that your child is the bully:
    • try and stay CALM
    • try NOT TO become ANGRY and DEFENSIVE
    • ask exactly what your child has been doing
    • ask if they have behaved like this before
    Talk to teachers, playground supervisors, other parents- the more you can find out about what has been going on, the easier it will be to work out why your child has been bullying and what can be done about it.
     
    Helping the BULLYING CHILD
    • see if he or she has any ideas about why they bully and what they think might help them stop
    • reassure your child that you STILL LOVE THEM - it's their behavior you don't like but you will work with them to help change this
    • find out if there is something in particular which is troubling him or her and try to sort it out
    • work out a way for your child to make amends for the bullying
    • set up some sort of reward for good behavior
    • set limits. Stop any show of aggression immediately and help the child find other, non-aggressive ways of reaching
    • if your child bullies when faced with certain situations, help them work out and practice alternative ways of behaving
    • explain that getting away from a situation where they can feel themselves losing their temper, or things getting out of hand, is not weakness. It is a sensible way of ensuring that the situation doesn't get worse
    • teach your child the difference between assertive behavior and aggressive behavior
    • praise your child when they do things well. Create opportunities for them to shine
    • talk to the school staff. Explain that your child is making an effort to change his or her behavior. Ask what ideas they have to help. It might be helpful for you and your child to talk to an educational psychologist. Ask the school to arrange this
    • talk to the staff about realistic goals for your child - don't expect too much too soon - and about rewarding him or her when they achieve one of these set goals.
    • other children may deliberately provoke a bully, especially if they think the bully is trying to reform. Explain to your child that they may be taunted and provoked but that they should try not to respond aggressively. The child should walk quickly away if they think someone is trying to pick a flight

    Parents can help by controlling their own aggression and by making it clear that VIOLENCE is always UNACCEPTABLE.